Saturday, 13 June 2015

My Current State Of Mind

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Dear God,

I had a conversation with my friend about how people just go crazy and behave badly after a tragic situation as a coping mechanism for the trauma they experienced and I was of the opinion that it is all about choice. They chose to react that way, it does not excuse their bad behaviour but it sure explains it.
We talked about the pros of having a great support system who will be there to speak life to your dead situation and we both agreed on the importance of good people around.
What we didn't talk about was a situation where you really don't feel like sharing what and how you're feeling with your support system, not because you'll be judged plus there's nothing to judge anyways but because you're so angry, frustrated, tired, drained and mad that you can't put all those feelings into words without sounding like an ungrateful wretch because if there's anything you've been, it is Faithful dear Lord.
But Lord today, I'm not feeling that logical. I am not in the state of mind to behave like all is well when it isn 't. Lord you and I know what I'm talking about. I really want to lash out and behave badly like there's no God but I know there's a God who reigns in the affairs of men.
This is the point where I say my words are coming back to haunt me because again, it is a matter of choice...If I decide to behave badly, it is a matter of choice. But by your grace I won't because You first loved me and it's too late to turn back now.
You see my heart, please come through for me.

Your very angry daughter.

I'm hoping I'll come back here and laugh at this some months later but right now and right here, I am super-upset and only God can sort this one out.

If you're feeling that way, please choose to stay sane. It's the best you can do for you at this point in time.